A friend once told me he was warming up to some of his work colleagues and they had started spending some time, together, outside work hours (going to the movies and whatnot). He asked me if I was having the same experience. I remember feeling pretty unsettled when he asked me – although I tried to not show this. I told him a very firm ‘No‘. Obviously, he asked what my reasons were, and I remember saying something along the lines of, ‘Work is work, and work ends at work. Personal is personal and should not intermingle with work.’ He was not convinced that this should be the proper approach – and I knew he was right. Perhaps, I was being a tad too extreme.
The thing is, I guess, our experiences tend to shape the way we view the world around us (mostly the way we respond to these experiences, on a psychological level). It contributes to creating the lens with which we use to see the very world around us – and, sadly, most times this lens might be skewed. The reason I say it is not just our experiences, but, rather, the way we respond to them on a psychological level is that while our experiences are more outward (and can be reproducible for different people), our psychological response to these experiences are more inward (and normally specific to the unique psychological construct of each person – on a personality level). This is why though you might subject twins to a similar slew of experiences, they would still end up being different people, especially mindset-wise.
When he had asked me this, my view had been somewhat distorted by my response to past experiences I had indulged where some coworkers had presented as manipulative, dishonest, unsupportive, and gossip-happy. I had, sadly, allowed my perspective to be skewed by my experiences with coworkers that would grab lunch with you in the afternoon and trash you to other coworkers and superiors the next morning. I had completely ignored the fact that not everyone would present in this same way.
While the workplace can be a very messy place, it is, indeed, possible to find or make good friends there. The keys, I believe, are objectivity; patience; watchfulness; and discernment. While these traits are not borne in equal amounts by everyone, we can determine the extent to which we have this and adapt our approach accordingly.
That being said, work is not a playground. We shouldn’t approach work with the intention of making friends – that can really be disastrous. We should approach work as work, and if, after sometime, other possibilities open up, then wonderful. Work is highly transactional (especially within the specific team you are a part of or other teams you are expected to work ‘closely’ with). You are paid to be there and the person making small-talk while on a call with you is paid to be on that call with you. They are not necessarily doing it out of the goodness of their hearts – not at first, at-least. However, as you work with people and get to learn more about them (which is inevitable), you might start to see the potential of finding a friend in one or more of your colleagues – and superiors.
What do you think about this topic? Do you have friends at your workplace?
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Experiences of journeying humans 